The Truth Inside

I wanted to tame the city

Like a man tames a lion

But instead

Like a woman

Tames a man

I was subdued by

Its splendor and its beauty

Skyscrapers stretched upward

Like long silvery legs

Pointing to the sky

Which hosted no moon

Helicopters flew above

Like fireflies

Lost in the dark

Realizing then

I was also enamored

By the darkness

The city drew me

Into its darkest holes

Ran by subways, vagrants

And the working class

Springing from the unknown

Falling like a hatchling

Born anew

Above the concrete and the dirt

My eyes adjusted fresh

To a different grandeur

Not seen where I was born

A place where life

And death commingle

The streets and its people

On leash by the city’s

Greatest charm

Unattainable wealth

But the grates

And the manhole covers

Hide the truth inside

Of which

I will not speak of

The rats are sensitive

And time is limited

And at least sleep

You won’t need

In this city

That never does

09-20-2022

If your mind wanders a lot while you talk to people to the point where they think you’re ignoring them on purpose, does that mean you have adhd? If you can’t sit still, or if everything around you distracts you and your senses are overwhelmed with information that you just forget things, could that be adhd? I’m convinced I may have adhd but just like anything you look up in the internet it could be allergies or I’m dying.

I joke around too much. I say the wrong things at the wrong time. I read many books at once. Sometimes, I’ll read a chapter and then read the chapter of another book, and then another. I feel like I can’t sit still, and I even eat standing up sometimes because I feel like I need to walk my energy off. My senses get flooded with information and I get easily distracted. I’ll notice the smallest detail and go on a daydream. I guess it really helps with writing though. Even with writing, I need to slow down and focus. I could go off on so many tangents, and nonsense; But that’s okay right? At least while I figure this self-therapy out.

So I borrowed a bunch of books on adhd, and I borrowed a bunch of books on teaching, and it really got me interested in how I will address students with similar special needs in my classrooms. I never really struggled with school k-12, I lived it in autopilot- getting A’s, finishing homework to play video games and soccer, but in college things were different. I could not get the material down. And I didn’t fail or drop out, but I had a hard time. I can only imagine students that live with something similar or worse since the beginning of their school career.

Besides loving English the way I do, I also want my students to feel safe. I want my students to feel like they don’t have to feel like a question they ask is dumb. I want students to not feel rushed and to feel accommodated if they’re falling behind because of something they can’t control. Our minds are all wired differently, and we all learn at our own pace. You can’t force someone to eat information and regurgitate it back on assessment and then expect them to help them in real life. Students will learn if you teach them and guide them the right way and with a lot of patience. And at least from the content in my program so far it all seems to moving in the direction I want.

Today I did do as planned and did absolutely nothing; and it felt off. There was a nagging feeling of something to do always in the back of my head. There’s so many things I want to do that I don’t do anything kind of thing and instead you sleep. But we all need a break, and need to be kind to ourselves and give our bodies the time to rest. If you live a hectic life even using the time you’re in the shower to meditate helps a lot. I wish I wasn’t addicted to caffeine because I know cutting it does wonders also.

I didn’t write any poetry today, but I did work on a lot of different artwork in Canva. I am obsessed with using that app right now to make random scenes with what they have available, it’s kind of like scrapbooking without the glue. You have to find all the pieces and then put them together. I’ve never done scrapbooking nor do I want to but on Canva it’s nice. I’m planning to share them on Instagram or maybe here I don’t know. But anyway the post is getting longer than I wanted it to so I’m off. Thanks for reading.

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